"Son, let's go to Spain, I won 800k dollars."
My dad patted my back and threw me these words when I was still in the half way of my dinner yesterday night.
"Nah, take a look at this, I'm gonna bring you to Spain."
"Let's clear out the debts (credit cards I suppose) with this sum, we'd have leftover even after that."
And of course almost immediately i thought of Kenny Sia ;)
That's my dad's name okay?
I have tried my best to "forge" this letter out, it is as shown, I even paid close attention to the punctuations used and followed them as close as possible. The things enclosed below are 98% alike with the originals.
It was so well-printed, with "styles" and "quality", excellent.
The F Form, yeah I said "F"
...
Euromillones Loteria International S.L
C/CORDOBA, A 2-A
28934 MADRID-SPAIN
011 34 695 892 154
DATE: 19th SEPTEMBER 07
FROM: THE DESK OF THE VICE PRESIDENT (the "desk" of WHO!?)
INTERNATIONAL PROMOTION/PRIZE AWARD DEPT
REF NO: EGS/2551256003/06
BATCH NO: 344/300643/EME
ATTN: STAKE WINNER (don't you know my dad's name?)
RE: AWARD NOTIFICATION FINAL NOTICE
("final"? When did you last notified me??)
We are pleased to inform you of the release today of the results of the EUROMILLONES LOTERIA INTERNATIONAL/SUMMER HIGHSTAKE INTERNATIONAL PROGRAM held on 1st of MARCH 2007.
Your name attached to the ticket number 1025-71464976-529 (I asked my dad "what ticket??" "no idea" he said =_=) with serial number 55176-0059 drew the lucky numbers 13-15-22-37-39-45-99 (you might want to jot this down, go buy lottery with this) which consequently won the lottery in the 3rd category (what "category"? 1st category: Under 18; 2nd category: Teenagers; 3rd category: Oldies???).
You have therefore been approved for a lump sum payout of $815,960.00 (EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTEEN THOUSAND, NINE HUNDRED AND SIXTY DOLLARS) (that's RM 1.6 million for you HOLY MADAGASCAR!!! Are you sure!!??) in cash credited to file REF.NO: EGS/98851266004/06. This from a total cash prize of $13,871,320.00 (THIRTEEN MILLION, EIGHT HUNDRED and SEVENTY ONE THOUSAND, THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY DOLLARS) (one two three four... how many zeros are there??) shared among the seventeen international winners in this category. CONGRATULATIONS!. (I mean... erm... "woohoo"??)
Your funds are now deposited with a security company (I think they need bazookas for this sum...) insured in your name. Due to mixed up of some numbers and names (AHA, here comes the real play, "mixed up" he says... 3 in 1 mixed up coffee? Dude, yours is a "BIG" company offering me a million bucks!! "mixed up"??) , we ask that you keep this award from public notice (okay I can't let them know I won a damn prize...) until your claim has been processed and your money remitted to your nominated account, as this is a part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unwarranted taking advantage of this program by participants ("as this is a part of our bullshit to trick you into believing us"??). All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from 25,000 names from Asia (dad your name is picked based on a 1/25,000, 0.00004 probability, you're the man), Australia, Europe and USA as part of our third quarter international program, which we conduct twice yearly (so your scam is on yearly basis? Oops, I didn't say the word "scam").
To begin with your claim, please contact your claims agent, DON VICTOR OTEK (sounds like some professional kidnapper) Foreign Operations Manager (FOM) MAPRO SECURITIES S. A (base on the name of your security company, I'd bet that your boys have no bazookas, not even ballz perhaps) on Tel: 00 34 616 035 397 Fax: 00 34 911 518 421 (did I see "911"? Oh can I just call that?) for processing and remittance of your prize money to a designated account of your choice. Remember, all prize money must be claimed not later than 22th (hmm... TWENTY SECON'TH!!! I leanrt a new word mum.) OCTOBER 2007 (so that you could fling your asses from the cops as soon as possible?). After this date all funds will be returned to the MINISTERIO DE ECONOMIA Y HACIENDA as unclaimed.
Note: In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications (bullshit), please remember to quote your reference and batch numbers in every of your correspondence with us or your agent (all the while I read the letter, I thought that this is a well-written letter by a professional, perhaps those who learnt Basic Professional Writing in UTAR before, but here I found a missing fullstop... Okay, I am more professional than you) Furthermore, should there be any change of your address, do inform your claims agent as soon as possible (so that you could chase me down all the way to Neraka). Congratulations again from all members of our staff and thank you for being a part of our promotion program. (I ain't no participate in any program to promote your scam? Oops I did it again, sorry)
Sincerely,
DON ANTONIO GARCIA PERAL
VICE PRESIDENT
...
MAPRO SECURITIES S.A.
Leasing, Commission Agent, Sole Representatives, Security Services, etc
Avenide De La Albufera NO35, 28009 Madrid, Spain.
Tel NO: 00 34 616 035 397 Fax NO: 00 34 911 518 421
CLAIMS AGENT (DON VICTOR OTEK)
PAYMENT PROCESSING FORM (FORM F)
PLEASE COMPLETE THIS FORM CAREFULLY AND FAX BACK IMMEDIATELY ATTACHING A COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT OR DRIVER'S LICENCE
YOUR REF:..............................................BATCH:...............................................................
FIRSTNAME:...........................LASTNAME:...............................................................
DATE OF BIRTH:.....................................................................................................................................
HOME ADDRESS:.......................CITY:............................................................
STATE:...............................ZIP CODE.....................................................................
TELEPHONE:...........................FAX:..................................................................................
MOBILEPHONE:..........................NATIONALITY:.........................................................
OCCUPATION:.......................................................................................................................................
MARITAL STATUS.........................(MALE)..............(FEMALE)................................
I WOULD LIKE TO BE PAID BY:
(A) CERTIFIED BANK CHEQUE.........................................................................................................
(B) BANK TRANSFER (SWIFT WIRE)..............................................................................................
NAME OF BANK:...................................................................................................................................
BANK ADDRESS....................................................................................................................................
ACCOUNT NUMBER............ SWIFTCODE/ROUTING NO:...........................
NEXT OF KIN:
FIRST NAME:..................LAST NAME:..........................................................
HOME ADDRESS:.........................CITY........................................................................
STATE:...............................ZIP CODE:...............................................................
PROFESSION:...........MARITAL STATUS..............................................
TELEPHONE:..........................FAX:.........................................................................
BENEFICIARY'S DECLARATION
I DECLARE THAT I HAVE NEVER RECEIVED ANY PAYMENT ON MY BEHALF BY MAPRO SECURITIES S.A. NOR HAVE ANY OF MY FAMILY MEMBER FILED A CLAIM ON MY BEHALF. I HEREBY GIVE AUTHORIZATION MAPRO SECURITIES S.A .TO ACT ON MY BEHALF IN THE PROCESSING AND REMITTANCE OF MY PAYMENT NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT AS STATED ABOVE, I ALSO AGREE TOPAY 5% COMMISSION TO MAPRO SECURITIES S.A UPON RECEIPT OF MY MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT.
SA8220675T
SIGNATURE:.............................................................................DATE:......................................................
...
Okay... See that? This is one "F" form... I don't know what's a F form but I know what's a J Form. And this "F" Form is so "F" to a certain extent that I'm not "F"'ing sure why do I need a whole "F" line to fill up my birthdate (again, not so "professional") while half a line to fill up my longer address, and there are missing colons at some places... Just don't "F"'ing get it... And WHAT'S WITH THAT MARITAL STATUS LINE?? What's that about? I should just put "single" or "married" or "in a none-of-your-business-relationship" or "it's hell lot complicated" like we used to in Friendster, BUT WHY "(MALE)" and "(FEMALE)"!!?? What the "F" is that!!?? Really an "F" form it is...
And why do they ask all of these particulars again? Shouldn't they know my dad's particulars by now if "he has been chosen" (yeah right you guys "mixed up the numbers and names" right? I got cha...)?? Or was it "Congratulations god-knows-who-are-you anonymous, you have won the big prize!!"?? Again, I don't "F"'ing know. Oh, what's a "SWIFTCODE/ROUTING NO"??
Obviously my dad knew about those scams that have been going around on the news for some times now, so he purposely tested me on it (without missing some "acting" of course), did I got tricked? You say le? XD
Without a second thought I went back to my room and proved the scam by Googl'ing (this, has become human's best friend before dogs, for now) and to my surprise (I didn't expect it to be found that easily) it tops Google's result page!! What did I find? Take a wild guess.
Try it yourself.
And this too.
Lazy to read them all? Let me tell you, this is an outdated scam. Man if you would have reached my house years before maybe I would have fallen for it, but not now old-school geezer ;)
Besides high quality paper and printer ink, they also used high quality envelope. They sure are putting their heart and every last effort in this, you have my praise.
On screen: "Open Sam", perhaps some sort of envelope company. The moment there I thought it was "Open Scam"...
The letter is not without credit though, thanks for the stamp from Spain Mr. Vice President!
Sorry but I do not have much free time left like Kenny Sia and do what he used to, I don't think I can even afford to issue a RM 1 cheque and keep toying with you guys on the phone for weeks.
Bah.
P/S: Nope this is not TEH "Storm", give me some time.
I'll start with my very own antique from the past... See those dust there? Okay dude tell you what, it's a mooncake case!
Okay... Maybe not... But IT IS a mooncake case! (what are those inside? tell you next time XD)
Another one, this one is my personal favourite, out of many.
Okay I'll say that again! This is a mooncake case! (what are those? can't you see? =.=)
Loser no. 1
Loser no. 2
Okay I agree that you DO look horny... But...
Not-so-loser no. 1
"What the heck is wrong with you Shack!? Taking out a coffin in the middle of nowhere!?"
TADAA! *Shine shine*
See? This is a mooncake case! No corpse inside! And no mooncake inside too! Not my false...
Ultra-Loser no. 1
Okay they are no mooncakes, okay okay I know! Will tell you about the things inside next time.
This one is somewhat... special too.
Boo, no mooncake for you.
O.O Amazing~ (I mean... Zzz)
Another nice one.
This one even comes with a plate! Har there, there are mooncakes inside.
Okay, I just... finished them... along with the plate perhaps.
Another killer, from Genting.
The mooncakes are underneath... my stomach.
Winner no. 1 (I bought it, of course it won XD)
Aha~ There... See? Finally, a real mooncake before your eyes! In a case!!! Now don't go away complaining...
Winner no. 2
Okay that's all kids, off with the mooncake cases. It's time for a lantern, it's not Mooncake-festive without a lantern right?
I meant... WTF!? MOM~ I FOUND MOONCAKES IN MY LANTERN!!!
Mom, "Nope they are all gone."
