Even a janitor can shine in his own way! Maybe.

"A straight A's student taking broadcasting meh?"...

What kinda misconception is this? I'm gonna prove you guys wrong -_-

A not-so-balance Balance Sheet

If you ever take Accounting, you would know what is a Balance Sheet (where you keep trying and trying, and consistently shouting SHIT in the process...).

I've never seen a Balance Sheet THIS unbalance... Unbalance as in 1 freakingMillion Ringgit of difference...

Ever wanted to hit someone so hard? And that someone is you yourself?

I'll never figure out what the hell is a Balance Sheet in the whole of my lifetime Zzz.

Geez, just slurp them in already! Jesus...

Norm - That which is regarded as normal or typical. Wiktionary

Speaking of norm, I realized that you can't just leave it alone as if you're living in your little world. This is how life's like, you can never live alone.

Take the 12th General Election for example, everybody is talking about it and what do you feel if you're being left out of the conversation just because you know nothing about it at all (so as to say, you can never "don't give a shit"), but this is not related to my topic here anyway.

Let me first ask you a question, "How do you eat mee?".

Yea right don't give me craps about using your chopsticks and mouth (>.<) but tell me whether you slurp all the mee into your mouth like you never give a damn (that is, without using spoon, just chopsticks to pick it up and stuff everything into your mouth, and make the awkward noise *slurrpppp*) OR behave like a pretty-cute-cute-well-educated-lady (sorry for the improper adjective) that takes the time to pick up a few noodles and put it into the spoon, not to forget to take the trouble to try to make them all nicely stay in place and if it fails (the noodles dropped out or the bulk is too big) they will start all over again until they succeed (YES!!!! Gotcha! Now I can finally put it into my mouth)...

No I hold no grudge against the ladies (and men) but I just want to know which one is the proper way (indeed I think you already have the answer). You see I'm not the guy-with-proper-table-manners kinda dude (I don't even know what are they) but it embarassed me sometimes to notice that I'm the only bastard on that particular table who slurp all the noodles like a moron while others are behaving very very (very very) well. The moment I realized that I had to change my way of eating to "cope with" them...

No I prefer being myself, so don't fcuk me the next time you see me eating like that, I'll be a good boy occasionally when (IF) I feel to >.<

It's a plane! It's a bird! No! It's an update!!! O_O!

First of all I would like to apologize for the lack of updates of my site... You see things are pretty much fcuked up lately and my life sucks big time. Aside from some frequent extreme mood swing throughout the weeks I have also ruined every single test that I've sat for. Again nobody should be blamed except myself (of course). On side note, I'm thinking of changing course after this semester, but that's still a questionable decision depending on how I fare in the coming final weeks later (which I think I will screw it better than any screwdriver does...).

Which course? *shakes head* Ah ah... I have no idea. But then for sure it would be something Arts and Social related, perhaps language too (but no literature please!!! Fcuk thyself in heaven Shakespeare). No more science, no more maths, no more accounting! But hey does this kinda shit even existed? (=_=) It would be hell lotta nicer if I can get such a course, no Binomial craps no Einstein'ish theories no Balance-Shits or whatsoever rubbish. On the dark side though, things aren't as simple as they seem. You know what? You can't simply change course as you wish, no not for some laid back poor scumbag like myself. Money is the first issue (I'm still thinking about that), family's faith is the second. Imagine how things would turn out if you tell your parents "I want to change course, I found that this course doesn't suit me that well after all." after they have spent 10k on you for two semesters... trust me things will get ugly. In case of worst scenario, I will consider working for a while first to earn enough money for me to continue my studies.

So, what have I been up to lately? There is an old saying, "Guys' problems can only either be financial problem or relationship problem". And guess what, I hit the jackpot, I have both! But then, not something I would like to talk about here... Let's check out something else exciting (to me, it is), I just got myself an axe!!! ^.^ Oops I mean an electric guitar~






I'm not gonna list out the specs of this axe here since I don't think any of you would get it anyway (besides Yang Guo), but if you are really interested, you can check Yang Guo's entry on his Big Wooden Plank of Kick-Assery here. (Yea we were actually gay enough to get the same guitar, but his is a lefty version)

I've done classical guitar before but I think I still have hell lot to learn since I last picked up a guitar years ago. And yes we've decided to form a band (that's in the long run and it's still a blur concept). Notify me if you are/your friends are interested in band forming, especially bassists and drummers (we could really use these two), thanks!

This rounds up my recent life pretty well and sorry again for the long post. Great thanks to those of you who worried about me (if there is any). The only thing I can say for now is that I've decided to pick up and start moving again, searching around in my life for the lost pieces of me :) I should say that I'm fine now (think so). Expect more frequent update on my site from now on (before the next breakdown happens, you know, mood swing happens). Happy living~

(Oh by the way, since almost every guitarist names their guitar, mine has a name too. I named it Shirley xD It's my first guitar ever, something like my first crush perhaps.)

Quoted... Vol. I

From Satchid

Too many people try to be someone else to please everyone. But in true fact, those who matter don't care, and those who care don't matter. So be yourself and fuck the world. Not literally, of course; HIV is spreading well enough as it is without any added help.


Be yourself and fuck the world!

Think they never liked you anyway.

Dear sweet non-existent God,

I never did anything to you, so would you please just leave me alone. Can't you find anything else better to do?

Please leave me alone, I beg of you.


Yes, just leave me the fuck alone.

-zLz

My third attempt to kill myself

As usual, I walked to campus this morning.

Upon crossing the road towards the entrance, a van made a corner and nearly hit me. I mean, well it could have hit me, but I didn't know why that Malay slowed down (okay I know I'm the only one that's nutjob here).

Frankly, I didn't know it was there. I just turned my head and saw the van about 30 centimetres from me, and it's still moving slowly towards me.

"Get your ass up and get out of the way asshole, you are blocking the road and hindering the world's revolution." And so I thought.

But I walked away slowly, as if I couldn't care less, I don't know why =.=

"Beranggan! Bodoh!" Was what I heard from the driver, well, whatever.

My first attempt: Swallowing more than one coin when I was still a kid, I think I swallowed 3 or 4 of them.

My second attempt: Nearly got hit by a very-goddamn-fast-moving Waja when I was in my foundation years, when crossing a road to catch a bus. The Waja just missed me like, 0.5 seconds?


By the way, what's "beranggan" anyway? I don't even think I got the spelling right.

I seriously wonder what the heck is wrong

Damn, I screwed it again.

And what the hell is wrong with you? What's wrong with wearing orange colour shirt? Whatever.

Calm down... I have to find a way to...

Off to a movie I go, so "whatever" now.

Happy living guys.

Scram~

Do they have the words when your heart is aching like burning hell?

"Don't you think you can behave better than this?"

Again, another pointless conversation with my mum leaded to nowhere. Well, it's not like she's saying this for the first time, she's been repeating this for like, the fourth time I think.

It was about my social/people skill and attitude (again, this sounds so familiar, one of my friends pointed this out to me lately too). Well basically it's just like I seem pissed all the time and I can hardly smile recently, making me bloody hard to be approached and people started running away from me, well at least that's what she perceived.

But it's true, I felt that at campus too. Hah, pathetic.

"People starting to think that you are so Chun now, and couldn't be bothered by making friends. At least smile a bit la. And you hardly greet people especially the elders, what happened to you? You weren't like this when you were a kid, you were way cuter back then... Sigh..."

I didn't really know what to respond, I just let off a dry cough and replied "It's not like I wanted this yea, I wanted to make friends too. But it's just so goddamn stupid to smile all the time, when you're not up to anything at all. Guys might think you've got something wrong with your coconut (or cock), gals might think that you're a pervert (try smiling to gals all the time without particular reason). And it's not like I wanted to be born with a face that can look sooo ass-kicking killer and scary when I'm not smiling yea?"

What am I trying to tell you here? Nothing much really, except that don't take my "cruel looking" face too seriously lar, you know I'm friendly right (xP)?

Okay, this is it. I've decided. Look, this is how I gonna improve it. Next time you see me not smiling when I'm talking to or looking at you, pinch me.

No, I'm serious.

Pinch my hands and not elsewhere please.

Make yourself a living legend

Before I go, I asked "So, will you be coming back?"

"Who knows" was all that he said.

After a day with him, I started to think...
"Maybe what he said was right."

Why are we studying? I started to doubt my existence and direction.

I never had many close friends, but you are one of them. No matter what your decision is, I'll always be by your side (sounds so gay).

But it's true, not everyone is cut out to be a perfect bookworm scoring 3.95 in every single freaking examination and shines its way throughout the route (no offense), trust me, not everyone can do that. Though I somehow cannot agree with every little things that you said this afternoon, but you got your point there. Maybe you are one of them, maybe you are just one of the many successful businessmen/entrepreneurs out there and maybe the time now is right too.

Go! Go ahead and dig your way to the cash! Fear nobody's words! Go and find your dream! You know that I'll always be wishing for you. Just so you know, if you so happen to come across any downtime in your future ("touch-wood"), I'll be here listening, just keep that in mind. And if you are to be successful, I will be very happy too.

Though today was a harsh one, but I still learned a thing or two from you. But it really makes me wonder,

I couldn't study and score well
I couldn't stand hardworks (I have sensitive nose just so you know, I cannot work under hot suns and dusty environments)
I couldn't talk/socialize/present well
I couldn't write well
And hell yea I couldn't be so drawing well
I couldn't listen/obey well
I do not have much skill with me
And most importantly my family is not rich

Now what the hell am I gonna be in the future!!? Should I even be continue studying now -.-

"在这个世界钱不是万能, 但这个世界没有钱就万万不能"

To a certain extent, I do agree with that. Don't you think so?

The crowds beat the crap outta me

--continue from "The Tiger got me"--

And so the insomniac-football-match went all night long and before I could recall how did I actually fell asleep (and who won the match) I got waked up by my sweet-Jesus alarm clock (their sounds are just like the worst piece of music score mankind ever created don't you think?). It's 6 o'clock in the morning and despite how tired I still was I helped my lazy fat-ass up and went for the washup. The moment there I was thinking, "Am I dreaming? I actually fell asleep, and slept for two hours! Two-LMAO-hours! I'd rather not sleeping, I get even more tired now damn it Zzz" and so on.

Had breakfast with HT and finally got to chat properly with him (no offense here J) since we had been really busy to meet up for the past three months. How you have changed HT, I'm glad that you changed for the better and not the worse, but... something was not right there, you were stranger to me like never before... Forget it.

The First Day of Schooling that I envied and visualized ---> Got psyched up for the first day and hope the spirit will last through the semester, and get along very well with friends and stuff, off to a "Happy Schooling" kinda mood.

The First Day of Schooling that I actually underwent ---> Woke up with a pair of really-bloody eyes with blood vessels all over, freaking empty stomach (nasi lemak was not enough, I think that beer last night did some kinda chemical reaction inside my stomach to make me feel hungrier), tired face, and most critical-state of all, sleepy mood.

Actually got through the first class without realizing what had the lecturer crapped in front (who the hell is she anyway?), then I asked HT "What class is this?". Aha, Probability and Statistic or whatsoever crap. I only knew that I could sleep to no tomorrow.

Okay enough with the short talk (I mean "long", sorry), the main point here is... I chickened out again.

...

Yes! The oh-so-wonderful-first-day-of-school or whatever you call it, I chickened out! I mean I skipped the next class and played a truant the whole day! No I mean, I freaked out!

Yes, I freaked out, that's the most suitable answer. Or I mean I chickened out, whatever. I don't think I would be crapping much on this here but... I actually went through a few referrence justnow and got to learn about this sickness called "Social Anxiety Disorder" or "Social Phobia".

Yes, I'm not kidding either. Apart from that hardware heartware failure that I have, I also have a mild degree of (mild?) social phobia. To put it simple as to say, I got easily freaked out in crowds of strangers.

Funny? Laugh all you want. Yes I will turn 20 this year and should be already old enough to be recognized as an "adult", but so what? I've still got this bloody annoying chicken-ass attitude of mine and it is the truth. Maybe when you were with me you didn't notice this at all cause I always get along well with people I know (friends as to say) but if you sense something suddenly goes so wrong on me (like I suddenly got freaking quiet like someone has muted me though like anyone could do this to me in another thousand centuries, or started to feel bloody uneasy and keeps my head down and casts my vision to anywhere but the floor), it was probably the tension/uneasiness kicked into the play. (this applies to strangers too though, not only crowds of them but one of them is enough to K.O. me)

So what does this Social Phobia of mine gotta do with my second class today? Well, when I opened the door and peeked through it I got stunned and suddenly freaked out by the large crowd in a small class of it. I don't know why but it seems that just like my insomnia, this phobia of mine butt in at the wrong time, at the wrong place, and the wrong occasion (that was my first Pengajian Malaysia class mind you).

"Let's get the hell outta here." is the only thing I had in mind.

Since HT did not want to attend the class anyway (he referred to PM class as "zero production" and a waste of time, how a businessman you've grown into), I played along.
"Let's go." I said.
Well the moment there it was obvious that HT was bloody surprised of what I said (I don't usually do this, and so he thinks). "What are you waiting for!?"...

I don't know, I just wanna get out of this hell of shit, before my heart collapses and die on the spot.

And so, thus went my first day of Second Semester, and I blewed it, right at the bulleyes, I blewed it freaking nicely. Heck with what I promised my parents about "off to another good start this sem, I'll do better", promises are just so fragile don't you think?

I'm so tired and sleepy.


So what do you think after all of my "abnormal heartbeat, excessive yet predictable insomnia, social phobia" thingies? Don't you start to get the feeling that I'm a bloody odd/strange/w****/scary person to be with? You should be feared of me by now, if you hadn't, you should so be.

The Tiger got me

Frankly, I'm kinda regret that I've taken that invitation to attend that talk and gulped down that glass of beer in the dance club last night. No I ain't blaming anyone of you, it was me who decided to tag along. No I ain't complaining anything regarding the talk either as I could get the chance to get a glimpse of some s-e-r-i-o-u-s-l-y kickass public speaking/presentation skills. No I ain't complaining about the beer since I wanted to try one anyway (but it tastes surprisingly-tasteless, "Tiger" was it?). I am glad that you called me out really, for that I felt that I still have friends, actually.

And for Gerard's sake do you know that I couldn't sleep after the whole tiring trip? I was thinking that I could actually get a bloody good night sleep after that glass of beer but I was wrong, hell wrong indeed. To motherfcuker nature, my insomnia knocked in at the wrong time, the wrong place, wrong occasion and bloody wrong mood, I was damn awake like never before. Heck the beer didn't work at all! Liars =_= (to myself)

"Dude, there's a class tomorrow morning. And it's the first day of your school you bastard. Don't you get any funny idea now, AND JUST GO TO SLEEP ALREADY!!!". It kept playing in my head, again and again. Seriously, I actually understand why it turned out that way.

I have had a wicked weak heart since who-knows-when (I'm serious here), my heart got easily excited and pumped even when a MSN message popped up, someone signed in (this does not apply to everybody please), my phone rang or sms is received, sporting, during extremely hot weather, eating hot and spicy food and so on. You get it, I think a heart-failure is slowly developing within me, and I might die of heart attack in the very near future.

I am not fcuking kidding.

So like, when it occurs, it takes a long time to calm/cool myself down. I'd had to stop thinking about it in order to regain my normal heartbeat rate and it usually takes 5 to 10 minutes.
And so EVERYTIME I was gonna start my schooling days again, I got excited the night before (hell knows whatever reason) and usually couldn't get a good sleep that night. And so I say, my sickness (if it is one) kicked in last night as expected, but lasted beyond my expectation. For a moment there I was rolling on the bed with my bloody eyes closed for five hours.

Yes! A freaking five-hours! I blamed Tiger for it. I blamed myself for it. I blamed everyone and every single living being on Gerard's Earth for it.

--break--

Looking back

About 2 hours into the year 2008, while everyone (mostly) was practically out for the rest of the day and most probably gonna breathe their last breaths of the year 2007 somewhere out there, perhaps at the city square or anywhere where thousands and thousands of people gonna squeeze themselves into sardine for the sake of cow-down and oops I mean countdown; while me myself as you can see is still stuck in the house alone. Yes, alone. Sometimes, it's nice to be alone.

Well not that I'm an absolute misanthrope but it's just that I've never been good with crowds (and never been good with those sardine-squeezing events), especially strangers. I did receive invitation to party but I scratched it, just didn't feel like it at all. Just a few moments ago I was still in that middle of a mini party organized by my parents' friends and whatever, I walked home alone right after I have finished my meal. Perhaps my mum was right, I need to behave better than this. It's like, even those "seniors" have had to greet me first before I would greet them (it's a well-known tradition in Chinese community that youngsters should greet their seniors first). Yes, everyone started to label me as an "odd" appearance and some sort of Ah Beng or gangster with no sense of politeness at all, and yes I know that, and why should I even care? (My mum and dad scolded, she said "no, you must care!" - bla)

Oh heck it's New Year! Why am I here keep blabbering about how I behaved. I shall start doing what I'm here for.

Let's conclude my days before this, let's see... (not in chronological order)

1) As mentioned, my evilness and stubbornness have definitely worsen throughout the years.

2) I have broken my record for ice-cream consumption this year.

3) I have broken my record for Fastest Mine Sweepers and obtained best time so far and 111 seconds in Expert mode concluded my minesweeping career for the year 2007.

4) I think I've lost a few friends this year.

5) And I gained a few new friends this year.

6) I fell in love for the first time. (alright I know it's super unusual and unlikely to link that word with me)

7) And of course, fell into hell right after that, as expected.

8) I fell from a 7 feet-high staircase and hit jackpot on my back waist, for the bloody first time, and it's a painful first time (no dirty thoughts)

9) Fell sick for several months, definitely a broken record.

10) I have achieved zero-hostility this year, definitely a thing to be proud of.

11) Went to a concert for the first time.

12) Finally understand what's a God like.

13) Went to a Comic Fiesta and see cosplay for the first time.

14) Increased my hatred towards cigarettes and smokers.

15) Contrastively, increased my interest in alcohol. (okay I know drinking is never a good thing to do, and don't you worry, I still have not touched any beer so far :))

16) Committed the most serious crime in my life so far, that having downloaded SO MANY songs.

17) Got the worst examination result in my life.

18) Watched the most anime.

19) Got my very first laptop/computer, and I had to pay for it myself =_=.

20) Got my very first handphone which is paid by my parents.

21) Celebrated my birthday for the first time and got my very first birthday present (tangible) from friends in my life, I'm serious.

22) Regained contact with an old friend/kiddo-enemy, but lost contact after a few days. Definitely the first of its kind in my life.

23) Skipped classes and circled around Subang Jaya looking for nice wheels, and seen that much of nice cars for the first time in my life.

24) Decided to stop eating ice-cream, chocolate, fried food, and spicy food for the first time.

25) And doubt I'll keep that habit in the following year, for the first time.

26) Did lots of silly things which I would not tell, for the first time.

27) Knowing Kenny Sia the ultimate blogger, for the first time (yes I know I'm snail'ly-turtle'ly-slowpoke'ly slow, oh come on...)

28) Having blogging for nine months (and understand what blogging's like for the first time), and achieved 3k+ hits, you guys serious? O.O

29) Played the least games.

30) Spoiled my very first MP3 player's earphone for the first time.

31) Casted my interest in English songs for the very first time in my life, thanks to Avril Lavigne.

32) Lost my interest in Chinese songs for the very first time, thanks to nobody.

33) Casted my interest in Metal and Punk Rock. And special thanks to Ellegarden.

34) Casted my interest in learning guitar, thanks to The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya and Aya Hirano. (Alright I know this is stupid)

35) Officially worked part-time as permitted by parents for the first time (I did that secretly before this).

36) Opened personal bank account for the first time, and who knows why I need two.

37) Changed my 4-years-old spectacles.

38) Never felt lonelier than this year.

39) Ends my blogging in 2007 with 92 glorious entries in total.



Well, guess I'll be spending my New Year eve with my bed. For those of you who enjoyed your cow-down, and also those of you who couldn't spend this special moment with anyone at all just like me, Happy New Year. Let us embrace everything new in the coming year, and let us continue our suffer together. :)


Life's what living for, who knows what could happen, do what you do, just keep on laughing. One thing's true, there's always brand new day. Adios.

"You are what you eat" (What does it gonna do with my entry here? =.=)

Let me hereby strictly emphasize on the fact that I am NOT a good ol' little obedient cute cute pink colour Hello Kitty kinda guy(kid) that every family loves to have before I continue. I am in fact, an awfully hopeless big-time sucker, who practically never gives a damn about what's gonna happen to his family as long as he is well being so long as God (in this case, I'm referring to Gerard) has not landed his fist-of-fury onto this mutha-eff'er for every single sinful deed of his. I had but not once scolded my mum, I had once "pretended" to hit my grandma, I had but not once scolded my grandma, I had but not once ignored the many advises from my family, I had but not once ran away from home, I had but not once the feeling of having to annihilate the whole of my family members (now now now don't go staring at me with that look of yours, it was a process of growing up am I right?). All in all I still want to emphasize on this, I am NOT an obedient friendly neighbourhood child of yours, alright?

No, I'm NOT an angel trapped inside the body of a devil, I'm too evil for that. (Sorry Kenny Sia)

Yes, indeed I am a devil trapped inside the body of a devil, perhaps more than that. (Sorry again)


Okay, let me get straight to the point. I just had a dinner together with my family. And yes, a homemade dinner, by my dad.

What? Isn't that more than enough to convince you that I'm glad and in fact happy about it? The fact is, I've never been able to eat together with my family for months now (HOMEMADE I mean). If any of you staying outside such as renting a house or hostel you would understand my feeling. The troublesome and tiresome of having constantly Ta Pau'ing outside is simply, awful. Despite the fact that you have had to wait for up to an hour and STILL get shytty food, or risking to upset your stomach with all those dirty and unhealthy treats out there (you never know what you could find in your meals, cockroaches, flies, oh, and tons of Aji-no-Motto, if I ever give a shyt about its spelling), of many issues. There was once, that this stupid shyt got me, which ultimately led to a melancholy (I'm serious) of mine that I avoided to eat outside, even though nobody cooks at home. So? I ended up starving myself for a whole darn week.

No not that I'm that sensitive or paranoid towards outside food, it's just that I'm lazy (aha there you go you lame bastard) to go around and Ta Pau all that nonsense. But after having to live under such condition, I've suddenly came to realize that how important are my parents to me.

...

Yes, you got me right. And that came out from a badass sucker, me.

...

No, you got me wrong. Let me rephrase, I mean I came to realize that how important are my parents to me, as COOK.

...
...

Damn Shack, you bastard.


Yes, scold all you want.



I love you dad, for your dishes tonight. Although I know I will have to go Ta Pau'ing all my way to end this peaceful pissful holiday of mine starting from tomorrow onwards, again.

Be glad and eat while/what you can and don't go all way complaining about your parents' cooking before you forget what I said here, and what I'm undergoing.


P/S: Bro Yang Guo, sorry la for the Comic Fiesta thingy. I'll see which day I suddenly have the mood and dig it out and talk about it again XD And congratz that you have finally joined this insane bunch of bloggers, welcome to blogosphere my friend~


Darn I just couldn't stop myself from doing this, I stress again, I am NOT a good good good X1000000 son, I'm just another sicko that you can find out there.

"Ah haha"

Both of them gonna be out for two days, alone at home. Anyone wants to 收留 me? (T_T)

Speaking of my parents, they just asked for my result days ago (though I am already acknowledged of that for a long time, I didn't tell them, DUH). Well, what did I do? I just...

Mom: Hey, what makes them take so long to mark your paper? When is your result coming out?

zLz: Oh, it's already out.

Mom: What!? When?

zLz: Erm... Well... A long time ago, I guess.

Mom: Why didn't tell me? How was it?

zLz: Ah, hahahahahaha (laugh my way to my room) <<<---- -_="""

Mom: How was it?

zLz: Ah haha... Bad.

Mom: What!? What happened!? How bad!?

zLz: Ah haha, almost failed.

Mom: What is wrong with you this sem!?

zLz: Ah haha.

Mom: Did something bother you this sem?

zLz: Ah haha.

Mom: ... (went out)


Well, I can almost see that disappointment blink in my mum's eyes. Hah, what to do, I got the worst result in my whole life (YES). Come to think of it, she asked "did something bother you this sem?". You bet, yes! And HELL YES! Not only one, but many things bothered me!

Dad: (In the car) How was your result?

zLz: (like you hadn't know Zzz) Oh, bad. Ah haha...

Dad: What happened to your usual results?

zLz: Ah haha.

Dad: ...

zLz: ...


Yes, that's the kinda conversation I ever had with my dad since birth (typical father-to-son conversation I guess).

Seriously...

Hopeless.

You're just a sad song, with nothing to say.

She said "they wouldn't listen anyway, and they are not worthed it".

I started to think...

Aha, it WAS really me anyway. I was right, if anything is to happen, I must be the one. Hah, though I didn't expect she'd perceive me that way, that "I wouldn't listen". Yeah of course I have been all hotheaded but then, I couldn't accept the fact that I'm being accused as "won't listen anyway". But maybe she was right.

And again, she still clings hard into believing that she is the only one on this Earth that is being put into despair. She still thinks that if anyone on this Earth is to be put into the deepest of the deepest in the hell of sorrow, she's the one, and the only one. Well if she thinks that I've been living my life very happily, let it be.

Humans need time, whether you or me, we all need time. I needed, and I have had enough. And I think you still need more. You're the one that is still dreaming.

I mean, WHATEVER! I'm so eff-fing couldn't care less! (But why am I writing this?)

Damn, I need more MCR, more emo, put me to sleep please.

And whether you are reading this, I don't give a eff-fing shyt! Live your life your own way damn it, think for yourself, not for others. And because of all this shyt my relationship with someone else is greatly impaired, though he didn't say it was because of this but I know it. Am I blaming you? NO.

World of Tender eFf-me-please

Just not long ago my boss walked towards me, and said to me "Our tender price for the Project XXX is a million more expensive than other bidders."

...

A "tender price" is a price that a particular company used to bid for a particular project offered by a particular contractor (I think so). And so one of my jobs in this company is to calculate the tender price that we should bid in order to "win" that project over (hence, we must attract people with a cheaper price, but not as cheap as to the extent of making a loss). My last tender calculated took me weeks, the longest I've done. Cause it was a eff-fing HUGEASS church, no kidding. Have you seen a church with 6 floors? Not enough? How about 6 floors AND 3 holy eff-fing basements?

If someone told you that the tender price that they calculated are accurate, they are probably lying. NO ONE, I repeat, NO ONE on this Earth can do it without a single mistake AT ALL. Especially with this kinda ass kicking huge church, it leaves me no ground to be "perfect" at all.

Guess what's the price that I calculated for this *holy* church? A freaking RM 15,000,000.00 damn it! Our price is a million more than others, that's only accounted to 6.6 percent! I mean, unless other bidders don't need to earn profit at all, but what the heck is wrong with this!? @.@ Okay, the main point here is, I'm starting to doubt whether I did something wrong somewhere. As you all know, you get more mistakes with more work. (Though my superior kinda "consoled" me that it wasn't my fault, that it IS that way, that... bla. But still...)

AHA, think twice, no, you should think three times before you decided to employ me in your future firm.

I'm dead...

揸到

伤天害礼的事, 恕我做不出.

Though I won't deny that I'm definitely evil MUAHAHAHAHA...

Talk la dai lou!

On this fine morning at work, an unexpected message popped up:

xxx@hotmail.com says:
helloz

zLz ™ says:
yo

zLz ™ says:
ssup

xxx@hotmail.com says:
nth much le...

xxx@hotmail.com says:
how're u?

xxx@hotmail.com says:
i'm chilling lo...

zLz ™ says:
hah

zLz ™ says:
so so

...

What? Tarak lagi la. Yes, that's all. And then, 24 hours of silence.

I mean, woi, you took the first move, you do the talking le dai lou >.<
Have you guys encountered such awkward situation before? No, though I am a talkative fellow but I usually don't take the first move (I mean, our mums always tell us not to talk to strangers right?), unless there are people which I'd be really glad and love to talk to I will *occasionally* blast out a few Hi's and Yo's, but this doesn't happen all the time.

So,I wanted to take this opportunity to actually apologize to anyone that I actually "indirectly" hurt you (that you thought I'd forget about you, that I'd ignore your existence, that whatever) by not talking to you for a long time even though I see you guys online everyday. No not that I'm arrogant or what, no not that I'm acting cool or what. The main reasons should be sometimes I'm too pissed to chat, sometimes I'm too tired to chat, sometimes I couldn't find anything to chat about, sometimes I'd only like to see your names appearing on the MSN and I'd do just that. I can't explain any better than this but sometimes I just feel glad that I still am able to see my dear friends online (cause this means that they/you are all well-being and fine) and that's more than enough. Sometimes I just think, talking and language thingy are not necessary anymore, seeing you there is everything.

So, please guys, this is zLz, this is me, please forgive me if you really feel that way. No I will never forget about you, I am always acknowledged about your existence (though I might seem blur sometimes). So if you really feel offended, fine, let it be. If you really feel like I'm a b*tchy or sh*ty self-centered kinda guy, hah, sorry, can't help you.

This makes me wonder, how many of those *127* people that I added on my list last time that I actually talked to before? Erm... Hold on, I'll do the maths and tell you the answer 114 years later.

And who the...

This is how the story goes, a couple of months ago when I was still in the foundation year, there was this bunch of what people used to call "students" hanging (out) in a computer laboratory like they used to during boring classes. And for god-knows-whatever reason one of these busters (yeap just cocks, no chicks) suddenly came out with a brilliant idea of killing our time (I forgot who was that, I sure hope it wasn't me) by browsing through all of the student names in our WBLE (Web Based Learning Environment I suppose) database and adding every single cool chick that we'd find on that list. As to how we judged on the "coolness" of a particular chick I have no idea. Basically these monkeys just spent hours in front of the computers and added every single cool chick they could find, each with distinctive and variable taste. And as expected, I was one of them (kids those days, kids, KIDS! >.<). And if I'm not wholly mistaken, it turned out that I won. Yes, I meant I won, by having the longest list.

To put it in short, just a few moments ago I have finally decided to sit down and have a serious look through my MSN contacts and kept uttering "who the hell...", just to filter and clean out my long~~ list of contacts. I was doing so as I finally realized I do not have such an amount of friends at all. It's time to clear out your mind and face the truth Shack! You are just another sorry ass!

And the outcome?


Yeah, these are my true friends (ahem), I mean, at least I know who are these guys though we don't used to talk much. Come to think of it, my "chatting rate" nowadays has dropped from 6 people at once to less than 1 lately.

In case you were wondering, want to know how many "unwanted friends" have I got onto my list?