It was like yesterday, though yesterday is yesterday, today is today, and tomorrow will definitely be not as yesterday...

Thursday, August 23, 2007


I am still as sick, not in term of mind and spirit but also my body. My running nose has not gotten any better and so does my sore throat, it seems like a never-ending fight... I've decided to go to school today, not knowing how to face them. But I wanted to try, try to face and take the responsibility on what I've done. But quite "unfortunately" though, she did not come to class today. Can't say that I'm sad about it cause in fact I felt quite relax, despite that I'm still as sick. Oh well...

As expected, I tagged along with H and he kept asking me the same question over and over again. Before the class ends, I thought I've spoken a sentence that I never did before in my life. "H, can you please stay with me tonight? I need someone by my side...". Before I even realized what have I said, a kind and calm answer "Yes, come stay overnight at my place." For a moment there I had a strange feeling, feeling that I'm weak, indeed super weak as a guy... Do I even able to protect "her"? Bah...

I don't know, that's just my way. Whenever I feel down I hope that I can tag along with anybody, do anything they are doing without any specific purpose. zLz's way of running away from truth perhaps. This makes me think of Avril's voice "There's no other place when it comes to the truth..."... Why? Perhaps to avoid from keep bothered by the idea of "suicide" (I don't think I'd ever do that in another million years...), or I want to find a reason to live? Or a reason to laugh?

And there it goes, tonight I found it, I found my purpose of living, at least I know what I want to be like. Before going back to H's house S wanted to go to SS2 to change his spectacles and contact lens, well of course I went along without any opinion. I wanted to buy a new spectacles for long but my parents still can't afford it yet, so I was thinking like getting one on my own. But... Purr... As expected, what can you make out of a poor fellow like me? So I was just having fun trying new spectacles and did a small survey on the prices. And I even phoned my mom to ask if I can buy it, the answer is very much expected...

After all the fun and chit-chatting we went to eat. And yet I've discovered an interesting fact about S, nope he's neither Superman nor Sai Man Chai, it's just that I can actually crap a lot with him. In fact I've actually encountered such situation before whenever I met him and whenever we sit together and start crapping. Most probably both of us are "that kinda" crappers and H too can actually cope up, I actually feel comfortable and truly happy whenever I speak with these two people despite many deception (okay, maybe "misconception") about him. Yes he's that kinda fellow that you guys always talked about, but I am telling the truth, I feel comfortable with him, maybe I'm "that kinda fellow" too? (Another shocking discovery??) And Hoaala... All the sadness and sorrow before this just disappeared into nowhere, we just had a simple dinner of pork-mee and some teh tarik, and crapped all along. Maybe the main reason that I like to be with them is that we can crap without fearing that anyone in the group can't "cope up" with and we definitely have no boundary on what to crap on (if you DO understand what I mean hehe...), unlike when I'm with other people out there I can't actually "this open", and so I felt kinda stiff and "limiting" when I have a chat with someone else, AND IF you understand what I mean...

So much as to say, I am really thankful to this two unique friends. No they don't make my world shine but they certainly make me feel better at least for tonight... After all I'm just too weak to be all by myself and as useless, so I don't think I can be anything without the support of friends eh?

I believe I can smile and laugh when I go back to school tomorrow, and become the zLz that I once knew. Though the recent events might have made me grew stronger, more mature, and rational...